Lindseyfish

Photo credit: Tsafrir Abayov / AP

I like fish. I like birds too, but this post is about fish. I compared Lindsey Graham to a fish a few years ago in a Rolling Stone profile about his various perfidies, inconsistencies and derelictions. I made no mention of the mysterious white shark, fierce bull shark, speedy wahoo, ponderous grouper or stealthy barracuda. Nor did I mention the tantalizing anemone or lovely starfish. I compared him to the mosquito of the sea: the lowly pilot fish.

Some may say a noble shark is unbothered by the nettlesome suckerfish, who lives off their detritus. Aside from the sad case of Lindsey Graham, there is rarely an example of a host loving his taker. The price was the dropping of an easy amiability rooted in the loneliness of Lindsey Graham’s childhood, and the encumbrances of responsibility that required the soft young man without teeth or a shell to find a way to protect himself. Graham discovered glibness and humor.

Graham’s “aw-shucks” humor and affectations obscured something else about Graham that has always been present. He isn’t very good at politics. Clearly South Carolina is a state with low expectations for its leaders. Lindsey Graham has run as a goofy sidekick, and then again as a sidekick. More recently, he has run as some type of loyalist sycophant to a deranged fascist turned insurrectionist and international secrets peddler, who disgraced the American presidency for 1,460 days.

It’s all too much on the coral reef, as they say. 

Fifteen weeks. That is the new late-term abortion line and lie wrapped together in a beautiful package of extremist nonsense, presented by Lindsey Graham. This is the man who rode on the proverbial roof of John McCain’s Straight Talk Express. It is he who has embraced the religious nuttery and extremism of the moment, with a call for a vast expansion of federal power, control and surveillance to enforce the nationwide abortion ban. 

Lindsey Graham wants to be in the room where “it” happens. He wants to be in the bedroom. He wants to be in the confessional  He wants to be in the hospital room. Lindsey Graham wants to be in on the most intimate decisions a woman or couple could ever make because he is a lonely man. 

That’s what Bob Woodward thinks, and he couldn’t be more correct. Lindsey Graham is a man who is lonely. He has nothing besides politics, and exists in a small and cloistered world of paw-licking courtiers looking for a piece of a piece. Lindsey is a serious player in the extremist movement now, and if going full “Handmaid’s Tale commander” is going to keep the loneliness at bay, well then, why not?

Here is the thing. There is no such thing as an elective late-term abortion that takes place in this country. It doesn’t happen. What does happen are medical procedures that are usually remembered as agonizing moments for the crushed expectant parents, who have to deal with the medical consequences of stillborn pregnancies, catastrophic birth defects, and other terrible events.

Fame seems to be a powerful tide in our modern society. Somewhere out there is an American woman who stands destined to become exceptionally famous. She will be the first American woman arrested for an abortion crime in the United States. She could be black or white, or one of hundreds of different ethnic backgrounds. It won’t matter. Whoever it is, they will be terrified. I wonder if they will be cuffed to the hospital bed, or walked into the Federal Building cuffed behind the back.

All of this insanity will cost billions of dollars. Where will the Federal Abortion offices be? What Department will oversee this? Does Lindsey Graham, a member of the Judiciary Committee, think the Department of Justice should have jurisdiction, or maybe he would prefer Homeland Security? 

One thing is for sure: there will be no small amount of extremist tech money flowing into menstrual tracking apps that can be used to enforce the law, and collect bounties for turning in pregnant women. Imagine the possibilities for Peter Thiel, and his ‘bought and paid for corrupt puppets like JD Vance and Blake Masters. 

I have never heard Lindsey Graham utter a coherent word about the economy, while simultaneously promising to create a lot of jobs. He has finally proposed such a plan. They are government jobs, working on abortion enforcement. Who knew the conservative, limited government movement could be so flexible?

Fifteen weeks. Why?  Because Lindsey Graham says so. The price of loneliness can be a high one.