Dear Elon

NOTE: The automated audio recording of my letter to Elon was insufficient, so I’ve recorded it in New Jersey English. New Jersey English — from the accent to the colorful colloquialism — is the most beautiful form of the English language, in my humble opinion.

Dear Elon,

The United States of America is the oldest and most powerful republic in world history. Though you were not born on American soil, you have been welcomed to this land and became an American citizen. It does not matter how much wealth you possess, your greatest treasure is your American citizenship. It binds and obligates you as part of a continuum that is entrusted to leave the country a bit better off for the next generation.

America is a singular and exceptional nation. Freedom has allowed your genius to flourish. Freedom has allowed your dreams to become reality. You have inspired millions of people around the world and changed the fabric of society with your inventions and companies. You are the wealthiest man in the world as a result. Good for you.

The United States is comprised of 50 states. Each is unique, and has made vital contributions to the nation. Each has rendered service to the greater whole, and has contributed something unique to the national character.

I am from New Jersey, the Garden State — home of the Jets, Giants, Statue of Liberty and the carpetbagging hustler Dr. Oz. I do not claim to speak for the people of New Jersey in addressing you, but rather to summon their indomitable spirit and directness to communicate something directly to you that is deeply necessary and long overdue. I had hoped that someone else would do this, but it is clear to me that is not going to happen.

Before I do though, I would like to talk about this unique moment in American history and elaborate a bit more on the previous point about each state’s unique and vital contributions to America. For example, Ohio gave the United States the generals who crushed the Confederacy and the steel that crushed the Nazis. When America needed a man to land on the moon, it was an Ohio man. When NASA was aiming for the moon, another Ohio man named John Glenn paved the way. Ohio contributes steadiness and character to the nation. It makes sense that the most lethal class of warships in human history are named for Ohio. It sends a message.

Though I love Ohio, I am not from there. Like I said, I am from New Jersey and steely steadiness and friendliness aren’t necessarily our forte. Though we cannot be Ohioans, Californians or Texans, people from New Jersey do have something to contribute. After all, don’t we all want to contribute and play our part?

It got me thinking that perhaps you might benefit from some feedback. After all, feedback is a gift. The people of New Jersey tend to be direct. This is our gift to America. Directness is required in this moment of national crisis and growing political violence. We must speak directly. I thought I would apply the state character towards an attempt to help you.

I want to share something with you, and I say this with the deepest affection, kindness and sincerity. Usually New Jersey males encounter this advice in their early teenage years. It helps form character.

Here is the advice.

Shut the f#@k up. Sit the f#@k down. Stop talking. Because you are a genius in one thing does not make you an expert in anything else. Being rich doesn’t make you an expert in everything.

America would have been better off if your ambitions were confined to amazing vertical rocket landings, but alas, that was not to be.

The richer you have become, the more delusional you have become. Nobody tells you “no.” No one tells you to “shut the f#@k up.” That is a national tragedy. Like I said, each state contributes something unique. If you had been fortunate enough to spend time in the Garden State someone would have undoubtedly said this to you years ago, but behind schedule is never a reason to procrastinate, so the message is just now catching up to you. I’ll say it again. We do that in New Jersey. Shut the f#@k up.

For example, why are you making peace proposals between the Russians and Ukrainians? You seem almost completely ignorant of world history and what is happening in Ukraine. There is a path to peace, but it isn’t the one that you suggest. There will be peace in Ukraine when there are no more Russian soldiers on Ukrainian soil to kill.

Your gamesmanship with the Starlink satellite service caused by your childish snit over the appropriate laughter and contempt directed at you because of your proposal was reprehensible. It revealed an aspect of your petulant character and arrogance that you seem intent on sharing more fulsomely with all of the world’s people.

By the way, I thought your Twitter PR statement about the platform was delusional in which you stated that “Twitter is the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated [emphasis added].” Your paternalism is delusional. Your talk of your gift to humanity is delusional. Twitter is a hell hole and you’ll make it worse.

On Sunday, you further revealed your character and abused the public when you tweeted out a conspiracy theory on your rancid platform. Twitter isn’t the town square; it’s a cesspool owned by an a@@hole. It’s not real life, though it makes real life worse. That’s what you did yesterday when you shared disinformation to your 100 million+ Twitter followers. You smeared an 82 year-old-man who was beaten with a hammer and had surgery because of a political attack on him by a violent criminal extremist, incited by the violent MAGA movement against the third highest-ranked official in the US government. F#@k you.

Lastly, because you seem so profoundly ignorant of history, politics, geography, culture and the United States, I’m going to tell you about two men that remind me of you — and are likely to be pristine case studies for how you will one day be remembered.

Henry Ford was a genius. He isn’t remembered for that though. He’s remembered as a virulent antisemite whom Hitler venerated with a photo on his desk. The “high court of history” rendered a verdict and it was harsh. F#@k Henry Ford. His achievements weren’t remembered. His character was. It stunk.

Charles Lindbergh was a brilliant and pioneering aviator, who was also a fascist. That is what he is remembered for. Get it?  

Life is a character test, Elon. You are failing it. All the money in the world can’t fix that.

I hope you can understand that. “Talk less and listen more” should be tattooed on your forehead. It won’t be, but maybe this can help.

All the best,

Steve