Good riddance, Kevin

Kevin McCarthy is in a fight. It is a fight that he will lose.

There are only three ways to win a fight. The first — the easiest and wisest approach — is avoidance. The second is by bringing your opponent to submission. The third is by exhausting your opponent into withdrawal and abandonment of the fight.

Let’s look at three examples that are easy to understand.

Though more than 50,000 Canadians served in the US Armed Forces during the Vietnam War, Canada was not a belligerent, and thus avoided the fight.

The destruction of Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy and the Japanese Empire provides a pristine example of winning by imposing complete and total submission upon an enemy.

The American withdrawal from Vietnam and Afghanistan are pristine examples of loss by exhaustion. Similarly, the great Panamanian champion Roberto Durán lost a boxing rematch to Sugar Ray Leonard in this manner when he cried out “no mas” in the eighth round.

Kevin McCarthy has lost the speakership vote on three consecutive ballots — on the first two ballots by 19 votes, and on the third by 20. The vote count is dropping. This means the hemorrhaging is beginning. The adjournment of the House was, in essence, an attempt to stop the bleeding by applying a compression bandage to the gaping political wound sustained by the gentle-cynic from Bakersfield. There is no hope of cauterizing it. The situation is desperate, and the seconds are ticking down in the proverbial golden hour.

Let’s examine Kevin McCarthy’s options between adjournment and tomorrow’s votes. Is there any possibility that he can avoid a fight tomorrow by making peace with all sides before noon? Without being overly absolutist, the answer to that question is absolutely not. There is no chance. Zero. Nada. Zippo. In fact, there is a greater likelihood of Ivanka Trump being spotted riding a Tyrannosaurus rex down Madison Avenue than this occurring.

Second, what is the likelihood that Kevin McCarthy will be able to crush his opposition into submission? What are the chances that he will be able to leash Biggs, Boebert, Gaetz and their 17 colleagues who said no? What threat can he make? What pain can he impose? Again, the answer is nothing. There is nothing he can do.

During recent days, there have been dozens of threats made anonymously by McCarthy lieutenants against Republican members, detailing the consequences for acts of apostasy against Kevin’s ambition to become Speaker. This has become SOP for Team Kevin. A great many of the thuggish threats are delivered by Jeff Miller, McCarthy’s bagman, who is the undercover and under-reported on successor to the lobbying corruption of Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Tony Rudy, Mike Scanlon and Jack Abramoff.  

Kenny Rogers tried to warn every American about the dangers of counting money when sitting at the table. Apparently the wisdom went unheeded by Team Kevin and his chief henchman Miller, who was recently celebrated in this perfect example of access journalism.

There is profound resentment and anger in the Republican conference over Jeff Miller and his thuggery. He routinely threatens and issues instructions to members on how they are expected to vote — or else. Members of Congress tend not to like the staffers becoming too big for their britches — even if the staffer in question owns the DC party condo where Donald Trump used to hang out in the heyday of the rancid era that is now over. When Matt Gaetz attacked McCarthy’s special interest corruption, he was talking about Miller. Every journalist and Republican under the Capitol Dome knows this to be true. So should you.

Kevin McCarthy’s chief henchman Jeff Miller (photo credit: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

Third, what are the chances that Kevin McCarthy’s current supporters will become exhausted of voting for him as his vote count attrits ballot by ballot by ballot?  Answer: extremely high.

How many of the 45 freshman Republican members are prepared to sit on the House floor waiting to be sworn in for days, weeks and months? Answer: not many.

How long can their families and children hang out in DC waiting for the big event? Answer: not long.

Are the GOP members going to tie themselves to McCarthy’s delusions that he can reach a vote count that he can’t? Answer: no.

Are they willing to debase themselves for McCarthy as they did for Trump? Answer: no.

What are the chances that they will hang in for Kevin on the sixth ballot? What about the eighth or the 25th?

George Santos gave us the answer with his stupendous yawn, which may or may not be authentic. Either way, he seemed worn out. Exhausted even. Will he really want to be loudly booed for the 32nd time on the 32nd ballot? Maybe, but probably not.

For ‘Animal House’ fans, we know that John “Bluto” Blutarsky made it to the US Senate, but the Otter of the House — the vapid rush chairman gone bad Kevin McCarthy — isn’t going to make it to the Speaker’s office, despite having already moved in. Pity.

Kevin McCarthy is a cynic’s cynic. He is a pathetic and ludicrous figure. He lacks conviction, guts and integrity. When Kevin McCarthy arrived in Washington, DC, in 2006 as a freshman member, he was full of potential. Life is a character test, and he failed. He will be voted down in disgrace, and will have earned every single vote.

Good riddance, Kevin.